I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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