I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
