They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
