So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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