there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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