My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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