I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
