That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
