I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is wine microwaveable?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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