don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
