everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
