He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
