party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
