I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
