Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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