Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
