just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
