Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
