hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
