don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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