I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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