So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
