I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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