OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
