I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
