i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
