I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
