looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
