you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
