Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
