You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
