oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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