I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
