Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.

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(513): View more from Ohio

We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.

(217): View more from Illinois

Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever

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(727): View more from Florida

The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.

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