wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
