i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
