I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
