Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
