I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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