i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
