He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
