maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
