If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
