Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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