i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
