So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
