I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dignity is for republicans.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
