Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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