My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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