I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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